


Head!lock

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Beauty and the Beast, Ecouterism, Exhibitionism, Fluff, Fucking in the loo, Gaston - Freeform, Like there's a fair few musical ones, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sherlock: The Musical, Stripping, The Hobbit - Freeform, Tom jones - Freeform, mylock, voyerism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 19:52:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11585037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: These are the prompts and head canons come from the back of my head that's probably never going to see the light of day.If ya'll are feelin like you need a hit of inspiration, ya'll can use em, just link em back.





	1. My Jawn

Sherlock is stropping in his mind palace. Outwardly, Sherlock is lying across the sofa, with his eyes closed and his hands perched on his chin in their customary prayer position. But in his mind, havoc is being wrought.

Sherlock paces in the library of his "John Wing" turning every twenty steps or so, and making his robe swoosh dramatically, furious at how Lestrade had spoken to his John.

Who does he think he is? He has tangled with the wrong man! No one says no to my Jawn.. Except for me. Moronic, the lot of of them!

The look on John's face when Lestrade tore him a new one for "contaminating a crime scene". How dare he! Especially since it was obviously Anderson who dropped the piece of gum on the victim's corpse.

Sherlock doesn't like to admit it, but in times of great stress, Mind Palace him will start to sing, and unfortunately, he could feel that this was going to be one of those times.

 

 

Gosh it disturbs me to see him my John,  
Looking so down in the dumps  
Ev'ry man would love to be him, my John

Even when taking --- _that's crude and absolutely unnecessary to this ridiculous plight_

  
There's no man in town as admired as him  
He's ev'ryone's favorite guy

Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by him  
And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as My John

No one's quick as My John

No one's cock's as incredibly thick as my John's.

 

_That's quite enough of that._


	2. John Baggins

Only Bilbo Baggins is awake is awake in the wee hours of the morning, and a tall, dark, stranger appears and talks to him, telling him the layout of the lands and helping keep his strength in this ridiculous task, and talks about strange things he's never heard of.

Another one where Sherlock is holed up in his mind palace and envisions a funny little man that's a bit like John.

"Why do you call me John? My name is Bilbo."

Maybe Sherlock got injured during a case, heavily tortured or something. And Bilbo had a bad bit of bread, poisoned by Gandalf, so that when the quest was over, he would die.


	3. Your Loss Would Break My Heart

After the headstone was installed, Mycroft never went to visit it. 

Why would he? 

His brother was alive, if not well and Mycroft was not a sentimental man.

Mycroft didn’t visit the headstone, until Sherlock came back. The first week Sherlock spent in London after his return was unconscious, the best Doctors tending to Because Mycroft knew what reaction Doctor Watson would have upon Sherlock’s return. Even if his little brother didn’t.

During that week, Mycroft went to talk to the headstone . Just once. Because he could never say the words. Not to Sherlock. Things he had no business knowing.

He talked about how the loss of his little brother did break his heart. That he wasn’t the same man he was, and would never be. That the things Sherlock did on that trip changed him forever. That he hoped his little brother will be all the better for it. That he did his best to protect him, and that he failed. 

“I’ll be there for you Sherlock, through whatever happens next.” 

“I promise.”


	4. You Can Leave Your Hat On

John has been humming Tom Jones' 'You Can Leave Your Hat On' on and off for the last week and a half and Sherlock gets idea. He disappears for about a week, and when he comes back, it's Christmas eve. He places a tape of him playing the song (touched up to fix its oh so obvious flaws). John is upstairs and comes down to inspect the noise and sees Sherlock stood next to a Stripper pole. He walks over to John, sits him in his chair and starts dancing.

Even with a song, Sherlock does not like sharing.


	5. Ecouterism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You might recognise this one, as the ever wonderful bigblueboxat221b was kind enough to cater to this whim I had one day. You'll find it here.   
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10697295

Part One: 

Gavins walked into the bathroom at NSY, but he's half asleep and doesn't notice the sounds coming from the stall next to him. Greg's POV of listening to John and Sherlock doing the do, quite loudly, tbh, and Greyson getting off on it.

Part Two: 

For whatever reason, Sherlock consents to being in the back of the cop car. John's in there too.  
Sherlock knows about Giles' misadventures in the bathroom and taunts Gilbert by using the exact method Giovanni used to touch himself in the bathroom on John and Geoff recognizes it.


	6. What's In A Name?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Actually, I'd recommend pairing this with the previous prompt if you were so inclined to write it. Make for quite the hoot.

Sherlock never calls Greg by his actual name, and with each mispronunciation Greg grows significantly harder. Because at home, in the wee hours of the morning, where Mycroft lets himself be human; a goldfish, really - he'll hold his hand over Greg's mouth, and bite him all over. 

"Graham."

"Gerome."

"Giles." 

Just as his partner's about to climax, Mycroft will whisper a sole syllable into his bedmate's ear. 

"Greg." 

And that's the story of how Greg's name turned into a kink.


	7. I Heard You

Sherlock's internal monologue in the staircase from 221B:

“I asked you for one more miracle. I asked you to stop being dead.”

I know, John. 

I know. 

That’s why we’re here in this stairwell. That’s why I came back. That’s why I had to go. 

Every life I took - every scar I made, every man I took from their families. 

Someone once said “Go too far from home, and you’ll lose your roots.” I may have left my home, but it never left me. You were with me through all of it John and I couldn’t have done it without you. There were so many times, I nearly picked up a needle or a gun, and but for you, I would have. Every time it became too much. All those nights in isolation, all those nights huddled up somewhere. When I was interrogated in Serbia. With every strike of their whip, their cane, whatever they wanted to inflict on me that day. When every breath I took felt like it was going to be the last I kept on, for you. Because John,

“I heard you.”


	8. Cheap Drunk

Today, I imagined Sherlock drunk.

And instead of singing to ducks, Sherlock's jumping around 221B serenading John. He's wearing a pink shirt (like the purple shirt of sex, but Pink,) and is singing "Popular" from wicked, jumping all about the joint. 

He's got his hand in John's hair,

Sherlock:"And even in your case, though its the the toughest case, I've yet to face."  
John: "Oi!"  
Sherlock: "Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed, follow my lead (he's stood up now, hands in the air like a matador) and yes in-deed. You. Will. Be.  
John: Sherlock?! What the bloody hell are you on about?! That's it! I'm pouring all the wine down the sink!"


	9. I Want To See Your Sex Face

John and Lestrade are drinking as they are so wont to do of a Thursday evening. Sherlock crashes and ends up royally pissed. Johns attentions are predominately divided between Lestrade's boisterous tale of some misadventure and an attractive red head. Sherlock's jealousy flares and he stalks up to the stage and appropriates a guitar from a musician. He utters a few words to the band and they skedaddle, leaving Sherlock in the spotlight. Without a word, Sherlock clears his throat and begins to play. 

The pub momentarily loses it's voice when Sherlock first starts to sing, his the only voice to be heard. But soon enough, the pub goers recognise the song and sing along and cheer the posh boy on. 

Lestrade is one of the ones singing along, while John is still gaping at his flatmate. His shock turns into avid fascination. He watches Sherlock's fingers plucking and strumming and wondered for the first time what those hands could really do. John watches his mouth and listens to the words coming out of it. John marveled at his Sherlock even knew those words. John finds himself physically affected by Sherlock's song. 

He finishes his song and says nothing as he returns to the table and downs the rest of his drink. John gapes at him and Lestrade quietly watches them. He chuckles and offers his excuses, departing for the evening. 

"You have space on your harddrive for that song, but you don't have room for the solar system?


	10. What's My Name? (Greg Learns Sherlock A Thing)

What's my name?

"Garett."

Greg fucks Sherlock harder into the desk.

"Gary. Gavin. George. Geoff."

*fucking stops and he takes hold of Sherlock's balls* 

"I'm not going to let you come until you say my name."

*squeezes said balls.*

"What's my name?"

 

(Can Double Up As A Deadpool/Francis pairing)


	11. After Hours

When John has had a hard day at work, or Sherlock has had a particularly difficult case, Sherlock will drag John from the doorway to the loungeroom and push him onto the sofa. He'll lay on top of John, and just spend hours listening to John's heartbeat to settle; for comfort. 

Eventually, they take to sharing Sherlock's bed so that John can get him to sleep, the dull thump thump of John's heartbeat relaxing the detective.


	12. The Man In Black

*Sherlock jumps off the roof.*

John: _SHERLOCK_!

John recovers from being temporarily put out of commission

John: He’s my friend. Let me through, please. he’s my friend.

Narrator: Do you hear that, Fezzik? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Rugen slaughtered my father. The man in black makes it now.

 

 


	13. Security Blanket: La Rouge Balloon

Sherlock is nine years old and at a fair with Mycroft who is back from school on holidays. Excited, he runs right in, leaving Mycroft at the start. A few minutes after running off, he falls over, scraping his knee. It hurts and he tries not to cry, but the realisation that Mycroft is not behind him hits home, and its too much. Tears start to leak from his face.

Mycroft finds him and stands him up, and wordlessly directs them to the centre where a man is handing out balloons. Sherlock asks for a red one and is obliged by the man.

Mycroft reaches into his shirt for a pen and draws a face on the balloon. He kneels down and ties the balloon to Sherlock’s wrist. Sherlock names the balloon Sherrinford and Mycroft tells Sherlock that if he gets lost again, Sherrinford will help him find Sherlock again so he doesn’t have to worry about getting lost.

So when Sherlock turned his head to address his flatmate twenty years later, and in his stead saw a red balloon, he is startled and thinks for just a second, that Sherrinford had returned.


	14. Security Blanket: Umbrella

You know, I’m kind of certain that Mycroft’s umbrella is kind of like a security blanket or Teddy bear.

Sherlock is fourteen years old and stills sleeps with a stuffed animal. The brothers row about it and Mycroft throws it into the fire place. Sherlock never forgave him.

Two years later, Mycroft is 23 and has finished university and it is POURING… typical English weather. Sherlock comes up behind him and holds it over his head in his last display of brotherly affection since Mycroft’s betrayal. Sherlock offers Mycroft the Umbrella and Sherlock walks away. Mycroft never let go.


	15. Ace Ventura Consulting Detective

Ace Ventura, Pet Detective is the third Holmes sibling.

The Holmes' do not speak of it.


	16. When You're Good To Sherlock (Sherlock's Good To You)

Sherlock discovers the Musical "Chicago". He's wearing nothing but golden Arabian style troysers when John comes home from work, and John just silently locks the door behind him, hoping to spare Mrs H from whatever the hell Sherlock's doing now. Without turning to face John, Sherlock presses play on the laptop, a violin cover of something playing, and Sherlock begins to sing.

  
_Ladies and gentlemen_  
_The Keeper of the keys, the Count of the clink_  
_The Master of murderers row_  
_Patron Papa Sherlock_

_Sherlock turns round and faces John, and he starts to dance, his hips moving in time to the music._

  
_Ask any of the chickies in my pen_  
_They'll tell you I'm the biggest mutha hen_  
_I love them all and all of them love me_  
_Because the system works, the system called reciprocity_  
_Got a little motto_  
_Always sees me through_  
_When you're good to Papa_  
_Papa's good to you_  
_There's a lot of favors_  
_I'm prepared to do_  
_You do one for Papa_  
_He'll do one for you_

  
Sherlock makes his way across the living room, dancing over any furniture that stands in his way. God, his belly dancing was hot.

 _They say that life is tit for tat_  
_And that's the way I live_  
_So, I deserve a lot of tat_  
_For what I've got to give_  
_Don't you know that this hand_  
_Washes that one too?_  
_When you're good to Papa_  
_Papa's good to you_  
_If you want my gravy_  
_Pepper my raggoo_  
_Spice it up for Papa_  
_He'll get hot for you_

  
Sherlock's on his knees now, looking up hungrily at John, with his hand on John's crotch. "Please?"

"Oh god, yes."

  
Suffice to say, Sherlock's dance was finished. Well one of them. But John lead the next one.


	17. Thursdays

Sherlock likes Thursdays. 

When they don't have a case, Thursday is roleplay night. Sherlock is either in his full detective gear, bloody hat and all, or, and he'd thank you if you never told Mycroft, he'd dress as a pirate. John is always Captain John Watson - sometimes military, sometimes a pirate. 

One time, during a morning session on Sherlock's 34th birthday, Sherlock roared as he came, "Aye Aye, Captain!"

When he recovered, he found John laughing his ass off - silently.

"John? John are you alright?"

John blurts out, audibly laughing now 

"I can't hear you!"


	18. Side of The Angels

"I may be on the side of the Angels, but don't think for one second that I am one of them"  
  
What if Sherlock had an induced psychosis, resulting in him becoming London's most prolific serial killer since Jack-The-Ripper. Lestrade sets Sherlock on the case and he is THRILLED - heck, Sherlock's relatively certain Lestrade has given him the world's greatest Christmas Present: A serial killer worth his time.   
  
Bonus points if Sherlock is high as a kite and reveals his secret to John while holding a knife to his throat.


	19. Why Don't You Come On Over Gerome?

It didn't happen very often, but when it did, his following actions truly were indeterminable.

Mycroft very seldom drank - it would not bode well for the British Government to lose control of his faculties. But in the few occasions he allowed himself to indulge, he got completely and utterly pissed, and partook in some rather stunning imitations of goldfish.  
This evening his assistant had dropped him off, and he's stumbled into his home, suddenly deeming it prudent he roast a lamb right this instant.

And so, he did. He washed his hands, turned on his oven, and his radio to one of those ghastly pop stations and started rummaging through his cupboards for a tray. He put the tray on the bench and retrieved the ingredients from the fridge and covered, placing them on the bench in order.

He took the lamb from it's container and some marinade dripped onto his apron. As he transferred it to the tray, a song he'd often heard his assistant singing to herself came on the radio. He recognised it and began to sing along, doing as he did.

"Well sometimes I go out by myself and I look across the water. And I think of what you're doing, and in my head, I paint a picture."  
He continued to sing as he cut his vegetables and arranged them carefully alongside the lamb.

"Well since I've come on home, my body's been a mess.  
And I miss your greying hair and the way you like to dress."

Mycroft danced over to the oven, reveling in his fancy footwork .

"Won't you come on over? Stop making a fool out of me.  
Why don't you come on over, Gregory?"

He put the roast in the oven and shimmied out of his apron, "Gregory," and placed it on the door hook.

"Gregory. "

He's full out dancing now, involved completely in the moment, until he hears a laugh from out behind him.

Mycroft spun around quickly, only to find little brother full belly laughing.

"Brother," Mycroft acknowledges. 

"What can I do for you?"

Sherlock ignored him, still laughing.

"I'm telling Gavin," he gasps between laughs.


End file.
